Narcissistic Men, Narcissistic Personality Disorder & Narcissist – Surviving A Narcissistic Relationship!
From: Lisa E. Scott, the ‘official’ author of Surviving A Narcissist – Understanding Narcissistic Men In Relationships!
Memo: Narcissistic Men & Narcissists
Have you suddenly found yourself in a relationship with someone who no longer understands you? Someone you no longer understand? In the beginning, was he too good to be true? A prince in shining amour, that later turned critical, demeaning and even cruel?
Does everything seem to be About HIM?
Do you feel as if your love life is an emotional roller coaster that is filled with many up’s and downs? Maybe you constantly find yourself loving someone who doesn’t love you the same, or he comes across as being Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
Are you wondering how you went from being Adored, Idolized, Special, Loved, Sexy, and now find yourself banging your head against the wall trying to figure out how your relationship went from a fairy-tale to a train-wreck over night?
Do you find that you are no longer the person you once were? As if the ever-so-sexy, confident, happy, outgoing, aka ‘with-it’ girl, is nowhere to be found? At least not on the surface?
Is it possible you’re in love with a Narcissist? Take the quick quiz…
- Is he Hot & Cold? Does he become distant and silent only to revert back by showing you lots of attention?
- Do you ever wonder if he has someone else? Does your gut tell you he cannot be trusted?
- Does he seem insensitive to your needs, unappreciative of your input, or non-acknowledging of your accomplishments? Does he not recognize your giving, kindness, and thoughtfulness? Does he seem genuinely not interested in your life?
- Do you feel as though you can do nothing right in his eyes? Are you constantly made to feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong? Or perhaps feel like your entire life centers around an Emotional Roller-Coaster?
- Are you in love with someone who gives you mixed signals? Perhaps never knowing from one minute to the next where you stand, where the relationship is going and if he is into you or not?
- When first meeting did he seem too eager? As if the love at first sight theory applied after only a few dates?
- Did he place you on a golden pedestal, only to be later stripped of your title without merit or warning?
- Did he come across as being overtly caring; intensely tentative, seductively addicting to later discover that he lacks empathy to your needs, especially during moments when you need him most?
- Do you walk on eggshells with worry? Always wondering that if you say or do the wrong thing, it will trigger him into a cycle? A cycle where he pulls away, where he becomes angry and threatens to abandon the relationship?
- Does the slightest argument, setback, disagreement or criticism set him off into a rage or perhaps other forms of punishment, such as him being cold, distant and silent?
- Do you find that his response to your needs, the way he treats you feels abnormal? You know you’re being mistreated, you know something is wrong but you cannot find it in yourself to walk away?
Narcissistic Relationships With Narcissistic Men
Ahhhh… Narcissistic Men! We thought we knew them, we thought we knew how to spot them, and yet we often have no clue.
In fact, if you are currently involved with a narcissistic man, or trying to get over a narcissistic relationship, much like I was, you are probably experiencing a tremendous amount of confusion, as to what went wrong, and why he suddenly changed.
You are probably trying to make sense of how your fairytale relationship, a relationship that once seemed like a modern day harlequin romance novel, suddenly shifted into what most victims consider being a real life nightmare.
If you are currently questioning yourself, or questioning your own sanity as to why your relationship took a turn for the worse, I assure you, countless victims often feel the same exact way.
Not only does research show narcissism is on the rise, I have coached thousands of women, and I have provided advice to thousands of women who have been struck by a narcissist!
Aside from the fact Narcissistic Men are very hard to read, and the red flags we might expect to see with anyone who has an ulterior motive, with narcissistic men, the red flags rarely appear until it’s too late. Often by the time victims begin to witness all the warning signs that come full circle, they have already vested themselves in the Narcissist, and because of this, they find it extremely difficult to walk away.
In fact, why wouldn’t they?
Being in a narcissistic relationship is quite confusing, and an emotional roller-coaster to say it lightly. From the very beginning you are placed onto a golden throne, you are showered with attention like you have never experienced before, only to be casted into the shadows of an emotionally damaged man.
Surviving A Narcissist – The Path Forward
I am Lisa E. Scott, the Author of “Surviving A Narcissist – The Path Forward”.
If you are currently involved in a narcissistic relationship, or simply trying to get over one, I assure you, I have been there!
As I previously state, I have not only helped thousands of women over the past ten years recover from narcissistic abuse, I have unfortunately been able to provide this advice, and simply because I have survived two narcissistic relationships!
Not only so, I have spent years researching and studying narcissism, and I have also been married to someone who was diagnosed with pathological narcissism.
While my ex-husband was NOT always this way, over time his true stripes began to submerge.
In reality, narcissistic men are extremely controlling, they are extremely manipulative, and they know exactly what it takes to win the hearts of their next victim. In addition, narcissistic men have a unique way of entering the minds and the hearts of victims, and they are very subtle in their approach. They very sly, and from previous relationships, they know exactly how to prey on your emotions! Narcissistic men do not start out overly controlling, nor do you rarely seeing any type of warning sign, because they are savvy on what it takes to win your affections.
On the contrary, most victims feel elated by the presence of a narcissist, and they feel engulfed by his intense desire of wanting to please them! Truly it’s the love affair we hope for..
Slowly, over time, they become more and more controlling. You don’t even realize it’s happening until one day, you wake up and realize he controls every move you make. For some reason, he brainwashes you so well that you’re oblivious to his controlling ways, and while I remained in disillusion for many years, when I finally realized that my ex-husband would never be capable of providing me with the love I so desperately wanted, and that I refused to spend my life in a one-sided abusive relationship, I knew I had to leave.
During this time, I wrote my first book, It’s All About Him, to build awareness. I wanted to help victims of narcissistic abuse, and help others recognize the warning signs, and the traits of a narcissist before getting involved, and potentially getting hurt!
I want to be clear that in no way am I qualified to offer a professional opinion on how this disorder develops in a person, nor will I attempt to do so. I share my story with you for a few reasons.
First, I have always found it incredibly healing to write. In my opinion, if you don’t have a means to channel your pain, it will stay within you and become toxic. Writing this book has been a catharsis for me. Writing and music are outlets I cannot live without.
The second reason I share my story with you is because I have found hearing from others who have had a similar struggle as my own to be very helpful.
I tell my story to provide insight into the mind of a narcissist.
The majority of literature on the topic of narcissism is written by mental health professionals and clinicians. While these individuals are extremely qualified, they have not experienced what it is like to try to love a narcissist. I do not believe one can truly understand what it is like to love a narcissist unless they have been through it themselves.
In addition, I believe it’s extremely important that you realize NOT ALL MEN who carry some of the traits of a narcissist, are narcissistic! In essence, I hardly want to suggest or portray that all men who happen to be egotistical jerks, narcissistic men. This is hardly the case, and there are KEY differences between someone who is insensitive, and someone who has narcissistic personality disorder!
I would certainly agree, that narcissistic men are an elusive breed, that are extremely hard to spot, hard to pin point, hard to understand, and certainly hard to walk away from.
Not only so, even Mental Health professionals find it extremely difficult to measure the level and degree of narcissism one might carry. As I have stated, I am not a psychotherapist nor do I proclaim to be. My writing is solely based on years of experience. The experience of my own personal pain from loving a narcissistic man, and my journey to recovery.
My primary mission is to help victims of narcissistic abuse reclaim their power, and to let you know recovery is possible.
Narcissistic Men Are Extremely Deceptive & Victim’s Must Be Aware Of Why We Fall For Them!
So the question one might ask is, why would we fall for a narcissist? How can a man that is emotionally incapable of loving someone, make his way into our lives?
Though the question is extremely common, it’s really not that hard to figure out once you begin to understand how a narcissistic man operates.
After all, women look forward to meeting that special someone. We want to be loved, nurtured, appreciated, adored, and most of all.. We want the fairytale ending.
In reality, this is precisely how we fall madly in love with a narcissist!
How can you resist a man who initially comes across as being your knight in shining armor? How can you resist his intense desire of wanting to be with you, please you, and his showering of affection?
How could anyone walk away from the excitement, the chemistry, and more often than not, the intense love making?
Why would you question yourself when there are no red flags, zero warnings, and everything about him seems surreal?
In addition to his charm, a narcissist is often extremely sexy, extremely savvy, and his confidence is strikingly addictive. He is aggressive, and yet delicate in his approach. He is persistent, and yet his eagerness is often viewed as ‘love at first sight’.
Yes, Narcissistic Men are clever individuals, and especially when it means he will conquer, and/or obtain a new faithful follower! (Hence, his new victim, and his narcissistic supply)..
Narcissistic men do not see women in a healthy way. They are unable to see what most men dream of in a woman—sweetness and sensuality (i.e. cute and sexy) at the same time. No, narcissists can’t help categorizing women into one of two separate categories—sexy or saintly. They have a very difficult time seeing a woman as both. To them, a woman is either one or the other, but never both.
This is often why narcissist will idealize you in the beginning, and once he is convinced your love is secure, that losing you is no longer a threat, the devaluation process begins. It’s at this stage where you will suddenly notice his REAL stripes emerge.
You will notice a drastic change in his behavior. Some have indicated it’s like a ‘light switch’, where he simply ‘turned you, and the relationship off’! This could simply be based upon boredom, a slight argument, too much time spent together, another woman showed him attention, a bad or good day at work, etc, etc.
In essence, there is typically no rhyme or reason why a narcissist suddenly changes, the fact remains is that its inevitable. He cannot uphold the masquerade and once his mission of conquering your love is accomplished, it is bound to happen!
Narcissistic Men In Relationships – Common Mistakes Victims Make When Dealing With A Narcissist!
Mistake #1 – Narcissistic Men use victims, so you must remember this is not your fault!
Victims of narcissistic relationships are often confused as to why they didn’t see the ending coming. They often feel guilty, remorseful, and even obsess over what they could have done differently to prevent this from happening. More over, they also feel a sense of shame for not being able to satisfy the narcissists never-ending demands.
What you must remember, is that narcissistic men know how to emulate emotions better than anyone. He knows just what you want to hear, just how to say it and just how often you want to hear it. He will use this ability of his to ensure you fall madly in love with him. Unfortunately, it is an act. None of it is real. When pressed to describe what love is, you will be surprised by his response. I know I was.
As anyone would expect, trying to comprehend how you went from being idolized, to devalued and essentially discarded by a narcissist is completely mind blowing to say the least. The pain victims go through during this process is often unbearable. To mull over, and obsess how you were once adored as his prize possession, to suddenly be casted into a place where you do nothing right, and nothing pleases him is mentally draining. In fact, I will admit, there are many victims who battle with this for years after a narcissistic relationship ends.
It is important to understand when in a toxic relationship, you are viewed as nothing more than an extension of your Narcissist. Narcissists seek out relationships in order to ensure someone is present to cater to their needs, stroke their ego and make them look good. Men often select a trophy wife. Beautiful women are the ultimate status symbol for men….proof of their masculinity and virility. On the other hand, female narcissists are typically attracted to wealthy men who can support their obsession with image and status.
A Narcissist will eventually devalue and discard you with no remorse. It is inevitable in any relationship with a Narcissist. At some point, he will emotionally and physically withdraw from you and leave you wondering what you did wrong. Please remember, you did NOTHING wrong. It has NOTHING to do with you. A Narcissist is unable to attach in a healthy way to anyone. Ultimately, he will pull away no matter what you do.
I KNOW THIS PERSONALLY!
Unfortunately, once you have committed to him, he no longer feels compelled, nor does he have the energy that is required to maintain the image of himself you fell in love with initially. You wonder what happened to the caring and wonderful man you fell for, and try to figure out what you did wrong to make things go so awry.
But you must remember, It was all a mirage!
Narcissistic Men – Beauty Behind The Beast
Meet Prince Charming ( As in, the Narcissist) – Out of nowhere, the narcissist appears – rocking your world like a category 10!
He is so good that he doesn’t have to say anything. He is so well built; he can read your mind, body and spirit.
The narcissist flourishes you with gifts, attention, time and energy. He romances you. He calls constantly and sends hourly reminders of his existence. The narcissist is the complete package.
Never before have you encountered such a whirlwind of events that made you consciously know he’s the one.
The narcissist is overtly caring, charming, sexy, smart, intuitive, refreshing and literally addicting. The narcissist showers you with attention, praise, compliments and through his constant reminders lets you know he is completely interested in you.
As time passes, you fall madly and crazily in love with ‘HIM’! You feel sick, you can’t eat, you don’t know what you are thinking and feeling, but you are ‘thinking excessively’. You feel happy, you feel sad and unsettled, you worry, your ecstatic. It’s the intoxicating moment you’ve so patiently waited for. The moment when you finally feel desired, attractive, special, adored and loved! Without effort, someone understands you, accepts you, admires and idolizes YOU!
AND THEN SOMETHING BEGINS TO CHANGE
Mr. Wonderful / Mr. Price Charming is not the same man!
Perhaps it was a slow gradual process or an immediate change, but something changed! This man is not the same man. Who is he?
Yes, all relationships with an incredibly romantic beginning eventually calm down. One day your prince with all his charm doesn’t look quite the same. And in fact, he doesn’t look at you as the ‘Center Fold’ you once were, (a figment of his imagination). Ladies, this is normal!
During the normal honeymoon stage in a relationship, both you and your partner can only see the dynamics of something fresh, something new. The excitement and newness of the relationship, the cycles of highs and lows are all normal! The actress and the actor are now forced with seeing each other outside of the obvious roles they’ve been playing, and the crossing point where one must face reality.
But the horrifying fact is, when dealing with a narcissist, when trying to get over a narcissist, no one can ever expect the cycle you will eventually face. It’s quite different! The ‘Game Face’, which is an essential tactic in any competitive event, and often used by a narcissist is now starting to dissipate. His ‘Mask’ slowly begins to come off. The narcissists personality disorder beaming through.
During the luring stage of the relationship, the Narcissist totally idealizes his victim. (Narcissistic Idealization)
He indicates he sees her as wonderful, perfect, his soul mate. He notes her amazing abilities, her brilliance, sweetness, and any other personality trait he can hone in on. He did this in order to speed up the sensation of attachment and move the relationship forward quickly.
Narcissist feed off the attention they get from people. Adoration from others is what fuels them. It is like a drug to them and they are addicted to it. Narcissistic supply is any form of attention an individual receives from others.
The emotional abuse that occurs in a relationship with a Narcissist is merciless, and relentless. Narcissists brainwash us. Narcissists use several different methods of coercion in order to obtain control over us. They love us madly in the beginning, sweep us off our feet and falter in the end!
Once the narcissist realizes he has YOU, that you in fact LOVE HIM, the real nightmare begins!
Devaluation (Narcissistic Devaluation) sets in, and the break up cycle with a Narcissist begins.
Mistake #2 – Narcissistic Men always uses forms of punishment to control his victims! You must realize you are not crazy! This punishment is not your fault!
Silent Treatment, Ignoring, Cognitive Dissonance, Avoiding, Crazy Making
A Narcissist has a lot of built-up resentment toward his significant other. He knows he is reliant on you for validation. However, he craves variety and is easily bored. As a result, he blames you for tying him down to a monotonous and mundane lifestyle. This creates in him a great deal of anger towards you because he does not want to rely on you, yet knows he must in order to get the validation he so desperately needs. He does not respect you because he knows you put up with a lot of abuse from him. You have done nothing wrong but be overly giving and nurturing. Yet he is angry with you and blames you for all of his unhappiness.
Yes, during this stage, the underside of the Narcissistic Personality seeps through. The narcissists temperament changes and so does yours. He quits calling and YOU call more. His messages are shorter and yours get longer. The once confident now becomes clingy, needy, and insecure. The once adored and idolized NOW gets ignored, confused, and resorts to a state of confusion. He uses avoiding tactics, ignoring and silent treatment as a form of punishment!
It’s inevitable – criticisms, recriminations and humiliations are foisted upon the partner. The narcissist conjures up the tiniest mistake, or oversight to use as an opening for a major battle. He or she throws out empty accusations with vehemence as if they were the worst crime ever perpetrated.
Or reverse psychology is performed, and the narcissist which initially portrayed to be the ideal partner, the prince in shining armor, now uses taglines like ‘ I am no good for you or we are not good together’! It’s an experience the victim never understands. Probably never will.
The reality is, when a narcissist is chasing after you, he uses every lure in his box. The narcissist has learned from previous performances exactly what it takes to lure in his next catch, and will go to extreme measures in getting what he wants. And he so often does!
Narcissistic Men – From The Beautiful Beginning To The Painful Brutal Ending – The Cycles Of A Narcissistic Relationship
Is your partner a narcissist? You may not know how to tell, but even worse, you may be thinking that you are the crazy one. Narcissists work hard to distort our reality to make their reality feel safer. Below are classic signs you may be involved with a Narcissist, or in a narcissistic relationship.
Phase 1 – How Narcissistic Men Make Room In Our Lives
- Often in the beginning stages, a narcissist will appear to be GOD sent. He will appear as the man who could read your mind, feel your soul, and appear to be unlike any man you have ever met.
- Narcissist are often aggressive, eager and persistent in their initial approach. He may even convince you that the relationship was meant to be, and the two of you meant to be together.
- Narcissistic Men are extremely daunting, extremely affection, and extremely romantic.
- Often Narcissistic Men will know all the right things to say, and know exactly the words you have been starving for.
- Sexually, most narcissistic men are incredible lovers. The intense lovemaking is often considered ‘fireworks’. Never before has any man touched you, and made you feel so complete. In fact, victims often miss the sexual connection, and wonder if they will ever find this type of chemistry again.
- While all new relationships make you feel alive, with a Narcissist, the word ‘alive’ is an understatement. In fact, ecstasy is more like it!
Phase 2 – Narcissistic Men & Narcissistic Devaluation
- Slowly and gradually as the relationship progresses, you will notice his stripes changing. Perhaps becoming less interested, distant, distracted, and aloof.
- The narcissist will often swing from being caring, tentative, romantic, and madly in love.. To being cold, less attracted, irritated, short, demeaning, and withdraw.
- Often a narcissist will keep you in a state of confusion. Never knowing what he is thinking, where you stand, and if he is still as into you as he once was.
- The narcissist who was an open-book in the initial stages of the relationship, begins to show signs of being mysterious, private, unpredictable, and blows hot and cold.
- You may begin to witness that he is no longer all about YOU, and that he now has a life without you. Better said, he WANTS space, and he wants to be alone.
- As a narcissist begins to suffocate (this is how he feels when you knows you love him), he may restrain from having sex, refrain from seeing you, stop calling, and look for ANY way to find doubt in you, and the relationship.
- A narcissist may ride both sides of the fence. He may want you one second, and break up with you the next. This is the roller-coaster breaking up and making up phases that never seem to end.
- Have you found reasons to believe he is lying or distrustful? When questioning him, does he make you feel like YOU have an insecurity problem? Perhaps advising you to get help?
- Does the slightest argument, setback, disagreement or criticism set him off into a rage or perhaps other forms of punishment, such as him being cold, distant and silent?
- Do you walk on eggshells? Changing your personality as if you were a chameleon in hopes of keeping him happy?
- Is the sex ‘still amazing’, even though the relationship has changed considerably?
- Does he constantly break promises?
- Does the relationship feel like a Roller Coaster ride on steroids?
- Have you recently discovered that he is showing signs of chasing other women? Perhaps his ex?
- Does your gut tell you that you are being mistreated; you know something is wrong but you cannot find it in yourself to walk away? It’s as if you are no longer the person you once were? The ever-so-sexy, confident, happy, outgoing, aka ‘with-it’ girl, is nowhere to be found? – At least not on the surface?
- Have you tried walking away from the relationship, only to find that you are completely obsessed with having him back? One minute you ‘think’ you call the shots, and the next you are begging for mercy and convincing him that the relationship was meant to be?
- Your memories of being happy with or without them seem so distant but ‘his love’ is still your drug?
Phase 3 – Narcissistic Men (Devalue And Discard)
- At this stage, do you now realize the relationship is totally All About HIM? Everything that was elated in the beginning, the gradual loss of his attention as time went by, is now completely at a standstill? It’s as if you no longer exist and now everything is About Him? Again, this is a classic sign of being with a narcissist and a narcissistic relationship!
- Do you now find yourself contacting him constantly, just praying for the opportunity to rekindle his love and affection? Does he ignore your attempts?
- Have you lost control over your emotions and thoughts? Do you now feel possessed as if you are selling yourself to the devil?
- Is he now completely disinterested lacking any form of desire for you or the relationship? As in viciously cold and totally ignoring you? He doesn’t return calls, texts or any other form of communication?
- When he does respond, is he brutally cold? Treating you as if never meant anything to him?
- Does the narcissist use reverse psychology? As in making statements like ‘We were not meant to be’, ‘We have nothing in common’, ‘You are too good for me’, ‘We fought all the time’, ‘Why can’t you just move on’, etc?
- Out of embarrassment, do you hide the truth from others, pretending to be in complete control?
- Have you lost sight of what makes you happy, who you are, and what you want to become. Do you even care about your future if it means he won’t be in it?
- Are you convinced that life has no meaning without them? Has the break up with the narcissist left you numb?
- Do you hate yourself? Do you now find that your conscious and mind is agreeing with many of the negative things he would say about you? As in, ‘I am crazy’, ‘He is right’, ‘Why would he want me’, ‘Why can’t I just move on’, ‘Something is wrong with me’, etc? As in, the projection of the narcissist has mentally affected your rationality?
Narcissistic Men – The Narcissist, Narcissists Partner, Narcissistic Supply, Narcissist Victim
On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically “binds” with a narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. The narcissist puts on his best face – the other party is blinded by budding love.
Narcissists are oblivious to others and how their behavior affects people close to them. They dismiss the feelings, ideas, and opinions of others. They are condescending in their nature. They belittle, criticize, judge and put others down.
A Narcissist can be blatant about it or quite subtle in his approach. He has a way of putting you down in such a way that you don’t even realize you have been insulted until you reflect upon the conversation later or someone points it out to you. Other times, he can be brutally offensive.
They have no shame.
Mistake #3 – Narcissistic Men often make victim’s feel weak, needy or crazy!
Not only are you not any of the above, I firmly believe that the women who Narcissists are attracted to are far from being weak! In fact, narcissistic men live for the chase. Always looking for bigger brighter stars!
Often the women are attractive, high achievers, strong, confident and viewed by the narcissist as having great potential. This is also commonly known as Narcissistic Source of Supply.
With the narcissist, it’s the grandiose illusion that he deserves the very best in life. The best job, the best education, the best children, the best mate and unfortunately for the victims, once the conquest is over and the narcissist has achieved his mission, the thrill is over.
The heartbreak, the shattered trust, knowing he cheated, not having answers, the lies, the narcissist silent treatment, the avoiding and rejection is what leaves us heartbroken!
“With a Narcissist – There is no “typical victim”. Women in all walks of life, wealthy and poor, smart and dumb, tall and short, head turning and less so – all fall prey to the Narcissists abuse.” Dr. Sam Vaknin
We all love ourselves or at least we should. In fact, we all carry on some level a form of narcissism. Narcissism in it’s healthy stages is real, it was typically drives us humans to take care of ourselves. To wake up, brush our teeth, groom ourselves, and essentially a driver in motivating us to be our best. Again, this is the healthy stage of narcissism.
Loving your true self is healthy, it’s functional, it’s imperative and absolutely normal. For the narcissist, it goes well beyond the levels of simply wanting to be his best. In the mind of a narcissist, he is the best, and nothing short of. He will never accept anything less than the best and ladies…. Despite how wonderful and amazing you truly are (and you are), the narcissist is NEVER satisfied!
The narcissist will always keep searching! The narcissist always believes that somewhere, somehow, someone is better!
Narcissistic Men Are Simply Never Satisfied!
Mistake #4 – Victim’s of narcissistic men often believe they were discarded, devalued and rejected by the narcissist because they were not good enough..
A Narcissist has a way of turning everything around so you begin to question yourself. He will do something terribly mean or cruel. You will talk to him about it, and by the end of the conversation, you are the one apologizing for some reason. A Narcissist knows how to manipulate better than anyone.
A Narcissist eventually becomes sarcastic and belittles you constantly. You begin to feel you can do nothing right in his eyes and your presence is hardly tolerable. You’re baffled. You wonder what you did wrong to cause such a drastic change in his feelings toward you. You struggle desperately to return things to the way they were in the beginning. Unfortunately, as hard as you try, things will never be the same again. He is not the man you thought he was. It is a maddening and precarious way to live and can drive anyone to the edge of their sanity.
Victim’s should realize this has nothing to do with not being good enough!
A narcissist will simply discard and devalue his prized loved ones when he is totally convinced he has mastered the conquest of obtaining you as a loving, adoring, faithful, admiring partner.
With a narcissist, this process is inevitable! Keep in mind, this evaluation of theirs is totally subjective and not grounded in reality at all. Suddenly, because of boredom, a disagreement, a bad day, a memory of a previous partner or a new women/new source of supply is marked by the narcissist, he will swing from total idealization to complete devaluation.
If discarded or replaced by a new source of supply, VICTIM’S should realize this is not about being replaced with someone who is perceived as BETTER!!! Bottom-line, she is new! She is new Narcissistic Supply!
You must accept the fact that you were not an object of love to this person, but a pawn, a mere source of supply to feed their fragile ego; nothing more, but certainly nothing less. Once you understand how the narcissist constantly change their sources of supply, you will realize their rejection, the high’s and low’s, being devalued or discarded has absolutely nothing to do with you!
Sadly, these new sources of supply will eventually experience what you are experiencing! The narcissist will repeat this cycle in every relationship they enter. It is inevitable!!!!
Whatever you do and regardless if you purchase this book or not – never compare yourself the the narcissist new source of supply! Never put it in your mind she is better than you, she is not!
Remember, at this stage in the mind of a narcissist, this is not about you! It’s All About HIM!
To Take Back Your Power, To Really Bother A Narcissist, To Take Back CONTROL Over What Is Happening – Get This Out Of Your Mind!
If You Want To Really See A Narcissist In Action – Don’t Chase HIM, Don’t Validate HIM, Don’t Plead With HIM, Don’t Contact HIM!
This is totally what the narcissist expects you to do!
Mistake #5 – Narcissistic Men leave relationships with rarely allowing his victim closure. Most victims seek resolution, they desperately want answers, yet they never find them.
I am often asked, “Why is it so difficult to let go of a Narcissist? Why does not having closure keep us in his web”?
First of all, we loved them, and they deeply betrayed us. That alone is enough to make the healing process that much more difficult. To add to this the confusion we feel at being devalued and forgotten. It is almost incomprehensible at times to think that a Narcissist can turn their feelings on and off like a light switch.
The realization that the Narcissist is incapable of loving us, (as we once thought), and yet they have an uncanny ability of instantly moving on, and into another relationship.. This alone leaves us feeling worthless, hopeless, undesirable, and heartbroken.
Did I mention the abandonment one feels?
The reality we must face with a Narcissist, is that we cannot change him. We may feel guilt we don’t deserve. We may feel anger that was long suppressed. We may feel humiliated and sad, lonely and afraid. Our world has been manipulated by the Narcissist, and yet our heart doesn’t forget what was once shared. In fact, victims have a very difficult time letting these memories go. Why would we? They felt so genuine, and so REAL!
During this grieving process, you may come to realize many things about yourself, that were not apparent during the relationship. For instance, you may have compromised your beliefs, and your values for the sake of keeping him happy. You may have resulted to behaviors that have lowered your self-esteem. You may even belittle yourself, as a result, of his ongoing projection mechanisms. Regardless, this is also a part of the journey to healing, and the path forward.
It is a difficult and painful process; however, it’s essential to ones recovery. Victims should remember, this is not something that happens overnight, and healing takes time.
While I agree closure is something we should all want and have when a relationship ends, the reality is, the REAL closure you need is to begin a new life, and one that doesn’t include abuse.
Not only so, Narcissistic Men do not change! This applies to the new relationships he will encounter in the future, as well as, how he will eventually treat his new victims.
As unfortunate as this is, it is also the reality one must face.
The games, and the never ending roller-coaster will never end, as long as you are in a narcissistic relationship. Try to reach beyond the idea of fantasizing about his new life without you. Aside from the fact you deserve better, no matter what it looks like from the outside, on the inside he is still the SAME man. Fact remains, that no matter how many victims a Narcissist preys upon, they will eventually grow bored, and the cycles of abuse will continue.
Inside My eBook, I Will Answer Many Of The Common Questions Victims Often Want To Know. I Will Help You Understand Why A Narcissist Behaves The Way He Does & Why Narcissistic Men Do Not Change!
Inside My Informative eBook, Here Are Some Secrets You Will Learn About A Narcissist
- I will show you how to regain your power back and learn how to tame the narcissist by knowing who the narcissist REALLY IS! The narcissists Fragile Ego
- In my book I will cover 6-Steps that are critical to ones recovery! I will also cover many areas in helping you move forward and regain your power back from narcissism abuse. You hold the Power! Your Power is what the narcissist wants. The 6-Steps will help you get over a narcissist and begin living again!
- I will show you throughout my eBook how to understand and recognize what is happening, why it’s happening and ways to cope with the trauma and pain of the break up and loss of a narcissist! Getting over a narcissist, means you have to understanding the narcissists crazy making.
- When coming out of a relationship with a narcissist, the first thing we need to do is get real with ourselves about what happened in the relationship. Only by understanding the narcissist, do we realize we have suffered emotional abuse and trauma at the hands of the person we love.
- In this e-Book, I will give you the inside scoop on what’s REALLY going on inside the narcissists mind, the narcissists behavior, the narcissist traits, including the things he doesn’t want you to know.. I will show you how to identify and recognize the true nature of a narcissist. I will help you understand the complex world of a narcissist and help you understand just what it is that gives them such power and control in your reality…
- I will also show you the dynamics of a narcissist and why the narcissist is incapable of loving, why the narcissist continues to come back, and why this relationship truly fits the modern-day roller-coaster. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- I will address the crazy making of a narcissist and answer questions like, Why does the narcissist devalue & discard? Why it’s crucial to understand that narcissist can’t change.
- In this book, I truly want you to GET REAL with who you are dealing with and accept the fact you deserve better! In fact I am often asked by victims, did he ever love me? While we want to desperately believe that somewhere in this nonsense, this is the case, it’s important to realize that narcissists can’t love.
- So the sex is amazing… It was always amazing, even during the low spots.. I will walk you through the what drives the sexual side of a narcissist and cover the Madonna Whore Complex.
- How can a smart intelligent woman LIKE ME, who’s gut tells her something isn’t quite right – she knows he is lying, she knows that she is NOT CRAZY – ‘evidence proves that’, and through his words, his infrequent acts of kindness – she falters, she believes him, she forgives? This book will identify and address how we fall and why we fall for a narcissist! I will also show in this section why we are drawn to the narcissist.
- So he’s gone, he’s ignoring you, he is with someone else but….. Do they miss us? Again, this is why getting over a narcissist and the break up with a narcissist is so hard. Victim’s are left feeling inadequate. I will show you how to break these cycles.
- How can a man accuse a woman of being unfaithful, unappreciative, jealous, over-sensitive, demanding and all the while, she remains a ‘Stand by Her Man’ kind of woman. Someone that is faithful, admiring, honest, compassionate and in-love? Someone that has forgiven him and taken him back on countless occasions? How can a man be so manipulative convincing his partner that she is over-reacting, absurd or possibly crazy? That she is being over-sensitive, over-dramatic and thinks too much? I will address why relationships with narcissists turn into roller-coaster rides, and why the narcissists comes back?
- I will help you understand that once you have been discarded or replaced by what is perceived as a new better source of supply, you should count your blessings! Even the new narcissistic supply will eventually feel the wrath of the Narcissist. It’s the inevitable. Give it time, it will happen.
- Your love is my drug, right? I will cover why it’s so hard for us to stay away from a narcissist and how to deal with the pain, the loss and the break up with a narcissist!
- Do you feel obsessed or find yourself obsessing over the narcissist? I will help you find ways to cope with the obsession you might experience after the break up of a narcissistic relationship!
- This book will help you realize why it’s so important to take back your power! Your power is what the narcissist wants and thrives on. I will show you why the narcissist discards his mates after the chase is over, and more importantly, that you should never compare or feel threatened by his new source of supply. Hence, a new girlfriend, wife, job, hobby. Whatever!
- I show you simply ways in how you can cope with the fears you may experience, the break up and realize that FEAR is what keeps you from having POWER. If there is one thing the Narcissist sets out to do from day one is to control his victims. I will show you how to take back control.
- No, this is NOT easy… But I will help you explore ways of breaking your addiction with the Narcissist.You can get over a narcissist! You can survive a narcissistic relationship!
- I will show you why the best medicine against the narcissist is to focus on YOUR future, narcissists envy anything positive, and HATE to see other people rise to the top. If anything drives a narcissist crazy – it’s to think about you moving on. Whether he will admit this or not!!! I will show you why YOU must focus on YOU and YOUR outlook for the future. Take Back YOUR Power.
- If you get anything at all from this book, I want you to realize YOU can Survive A Narcissist. I did, and countless others I have coached have survived and moved on. As painful as it is, as much as you don’t want to believe me, YOU can survive this..
I have spent the past seven years of my life helping victim’s recover from the wrath of a narcissist and narcissistic abuse! This book is the beginning to recovery. The beginning of rediscovering yourself, and the beginning of what I consider, freeing YOURSELF from the narcissist, and ultimately TAKING YOUR POWER BACK!!
Power Is What The Narcissists Wants! Breaking Up His Control Is What YOU Want!
YOU hold the magical solution. YOU hold the Power! This book will help you begin that process!
So what are people saying about ‘Surviving A Narcissist‘?
Out of the thousands who have responded, Here are just a few of so many people this book has helped..
Many followers of the narcissist never wake up. They continue to be selfless servants, unable to separate themselves psychologically from the narcissist. Many of those who do become aware of the price they are paying (giving up their own lives), make the bargain, and decide that the lifestyle, and perks connected with being a part of the narcissists charmed circle is worth it! They are wrong!
The narcissist will never change and the best revenge, what gets to a narcissist, what bothers the narcissist, and the absolute best way in getting over a narcissist break up is to take control. Take back your life and power! These type of men can not stand seeing YOU happy, and especially without them!
Skip Months Of Wondering And Questioning Yourself!! Break Free From The Narcissist Today!
This eBook is stocked full of information that will not only change the way you look at narcissism, but also give you a simple step program in breaking free from the toxic cycles of loving a narcissist, and addresses many of the secrets in what makes a narcissist tick, and how to get over a narcissist and narcissistic relationship!
Your ‘Secret Weapon’ To Getting Over A Narcissist & A Narcissistic Relationship!
What Do You Have To Lose? Begin Your Journey Of Surviving A Narcissist Now..
Surviving A Narcissist The Path Forward
A new E-book from Lisa E. Scott (the author of top-selling e-book “All About Him.”) This book will take you much deeper into the cycles one faces in Surviving A Narcissist and the Steps one might use on The Path to Recovery!
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Key Topics- Surviving A Narcissist, Narcissist, Break Up, Breaking Up, Narcissist Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Men, Sociopaths, Devalues and Discards, No Contact, Malignant Narcissism, Narcissism, Toxic Personalities, Narcissist Victims, Narcissistic Source of Supply
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